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About Deviant Senior Member RosstafarianMale/United States Groups :iconfading-suns: Fading-Suns
Fading Suns
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Hi, I'm here to critique this piece as part of CRITmas! First, a few disclaimers: 1) this critique is only my opinion, which you're fre...

New Things

Tue Apr 1, 2014, 2:51 PM
A few new things:

:bulletred: The most obvious is probably this journal skin, made by ginkgografix for me after extensive back-and-forth (read: I'm high maintenance, and ginkgografix is a saint). It. Is. Awesome. I'm in love. With the skin. Mostly the skin. Thank you, Anne!

:bulletred: I will soon be involved in a few more projects here at dA, although I don't want to spoil things by pre-announcing them too much. Look for new developments soon!

:bulletred: It's April, and that means it's NaPo time! (National Poetry Writing Month, a write-a-poem-a-day challenge for April.) I haven't completed a NaPo in years, but KreepingSpawn has agreed to partner up with me for some mutual encouragement and inspiration. Translation for you guys: a whole crop of poorly-edited poetry is coming your way. And it's already begun:

Rite of SpringRite of Spring
he's strutting down French street, keys in one hand
the other atop his pale, ample gut:
white tee tucked in his sagging jeans
both dragging with each swaggering step
he's outside the dive bar at ten o'five
to pick up his grimy red pickup
wearing a snaggletoothed smile,
eau de coitus, and pride
NaPornNaPorn
she asked me in to edit her poems, saying
"I need help filling the spaces between my lines"
then she spread open her notebooks
and we got right down to work
"I've got a big strophe," I told her,
"I think with a little manipulation
it will fit in here nicely"
she asked "can I see it?"
pretty soon we were into a rhythm
(dactylic sexameter, duh)
"it fits so well," she moaned,
"it's like you wrote it for me"
her gushing praise got me going too
we finished the work an intimate couplet:
she said, "good God, you're amazing"
and I said, "babe, it's all in the phrasing"
EavesdroppingsEavesdroppings
after the accident, she calls her son:
"hi, baby", (though to guess from her he's nearly fifty)
explaining what happened: "we didn't see him--
hidden in a swirl of dust--you know how it is in the desert--
and we were there for three hours--and the hospital said--"
the phone shakes in her hand, and
she veers across topics like double yellow lines
as if finishing a thought would finish her
her husband's quiet in the booth, one forearm freshly taped
he moves in obvious pain to touch her hand
as her logorrhea swells: "and your father--
he was just hanging--I couldn't move--
smelled like fire--couldn't get to him--"
her voice splinters like wrist bones
and she cries for the first time since they walked in
faces blank with unprocessed grief
but she wipes the tears with a bar napkin
when her tone almost instantly changes:
"oh, no, baby, it's okay--we're lucky, really--
the mobile home is in pieces and we're just bruised--
the policemen were very nice--my friend Marty,
yo
OrionOrion
When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see

Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me
 
    —"Have a Little Faith in Me", John Hiatt
I see you on the road below
just as I saw you years ago:
I watched your child-wonder eyes
pick out my shoulders and my feet,
recognize my wise belt's line,
and trace my weapon's arc.
No man drives on alone
if he can look up in the sky
and count my familiar sparks
when the road gets dark
I see your unshed tears
the jaw you can't unclench
I see you drowning in the lake
of your own dammed-up grief
you're too proud to beg
and too brave to flee
but I can steer you free
when the night is dark,
you're lost on a familiar street,
and you can no longer see
I've watched man fight and fail
and rise to fight and fail again
as you have fought and failed
and you too will rise to fight again
I shine w
UHOH! WEEKENDS SUCK! Ross and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very...Ross and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hangover
I wake to find that the birds of my backyard
have all mysteriously become woodpeckers in the night
as if by some fairy motherfucker's sobriety spell
I right away change my stance on gun control waiting periods
at ten a.m., the neighbor's homeschooled girls
begin their daily, hour-long ritual to the goddess of trampolines
these tweenaged witches, shrieking in ecstatic glee
remind me that I really shouldn't own a gun
the desert sun joins in these dastardly deeds
firing sunbeam salvos with mythic precision
to ricochet around curtains, off my ring, and into my bloodshot eyes
each bolt rattles my swollen brain and sloshes my nauseous stomach
so that when my husband gets home, my head is buried
in the reassuring scent of his softer pillow
the damn din of his entry announces the final villain of the tale
his smug unsickliness and suppressed laughter a personal affront
that is all in my head, of course, as he asks, "that bad, h
A Backyard in CaliforniaA Backyard in California
What thoughts I have, the first spring in our first home owned!
everywhere are evidences of copulations:
O'Keeffish hookerblooms and their johns, the bees,
spotted bird eggs, post-coital dandelions, swollen seedpods
all heavy with pregnancy and spent lust
Join me, Whitman!
Leave Ginsberg to his supermarket leering
and roll with me in my backyard!
Explore me like the West, show me your Manhattan skyscraper,
fill me with that which I envy,
your wide pride and love for our country
after our beards unzip
I will tell you of progress, of rights and weddings
and labels, and you will ask, "does love not label
itself, identify itself?"
I, lacking answer, will teach you what a generation
of growing up out has taught us
an irony you, our first brave teacher, will appreciate
as I map your folds and we flower inside each other
toes curling in soil moist with irrigation
hands pushing off treebark and fencewood
you will marvel at the desert succulents
the spreading pal
UHOH AGAIN! LighthouseLighthouse
when a Carolina congressman's Christian catchphrases
constrict my chemical ion channels
and a mother's matrimonial absence
muddles my neurotransmitter mix
it'd take a saint to embrace my crazy
or a seasoned sailor who's weathered the weather
and still sails on, aware the worst
might very well be yet to come
I cannot swear that the fair days will outnumber the storms
only that there are storms aplenty afore us,
reefs to port, and shoals starboard
but you, even with that knowing, never look aft:
you always steer us home
ACK! AAAAACK! AAAAAACK! BeavercarBeavercar
I am the proud owner of a necktie
smooth as the proverb baby's bottom
white as wombskin (unkissed by the sun)
glossy as the spittle spanked out with a first breath
the proud parents whose second son painted it
did not know at birth his brain was already bent
under autism's irregular yoke
they would find out later, a day they try not to remember
as they day things fell apart
he proudly painted in colors so primary the tie is 80's retro
his eyes manifest the wrong coiling of his brain
in flattened cones and bent rods:
reds fluoresce, blues soothe, yellows mellow
("green is green, duh," he proudly explains,
at the Autism Awareness auction
haltingly explaining how softer hues wash out to grey,
searching my face for visual evidence of verbal cues
he can't hear, finally finishing:
"yellow is best"
and so) the tie I wear is drenched in proud yellow
like the one his father wears
while he stands before donors
explaining how last year's auction paid for movie screenings
with the


April approaches. You are... 

56%
10 deviants said ...doing none of the above
22%
4 deviants said ...doing some other writing challenge (link?)
17%
3 deviants said ...doing NaPoWriMo
6%
1 deviant said ...are most importantly interested in being my NaPo buddy, helping me finish for the first time in years
0%
No deviants said ...doing ScripFrenzy

deviantID

ShadowedAcolyte
Rosstafarian
United States
Such a poseur.

Current Residence: Mojave Desert
Wallpaper of choice: "The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Personal Quote: "Every day in which you learn something is not a complete waste." --the Belgariad
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:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Apr 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Hi! Have you been receiving my notes?
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:iconshadowedacolyte:
Yes! Replying now!
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:icondazzy-p:
Thanx for the faving!
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:iconshadowedacolyte:
I love the By the Gods!
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:iconjess-foxx-quinn:
Jess-Foxx-Quinn Mar 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave Rosstafarian. Much appreciated
Reply
:iconshadowedacolyte:
I saved a link to your profile. When I've got the time I'll go back and explore your gallery more fully.
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