ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
ShadowedAcolyte has limited the viewing of this artwork to members of the DeviantArt community only.
You can log in or become a member for FREE.
Deviation Actions
Literature
Gulf
Shoulder to shoulder,
In a rough surf, they ride
A yellow raft,
My Mother and Father.
At the first drops
Of the storm, their faces
Side by side,
They're slow to move.
Legs trailing, now
Propelled, now withdrawn,
They re-appear
Each time farther out.
The rhythm of the sea--
I complain it's pulling me
Down--the rhythm
Is my parents' own.
Hugging the raft,
They wear the distant smile
Of those quietly
Listening at a shell.
Literature
scattered
We leave pieces of ourselves in the corners
Of bookshelves, stuck between the pages
And in the hand painted wooden bowl
Collecting dust and spare change.
My fingers grazed a fragment
When I saw a photograph of you today
And my lungs caught on the memory
Of the first words you said to me
Lingering like a ghost breath
In the soft curve of my earlobe.
(“Hi, mind if I ask you
Some questions?”)
I hid inside the rain to drown out
The sound. The wet grass stuck to my toes
And the droplets rolled down
Over the shirt that my mom told me
Makes me look like I’ve got a chip on my shoulder.
(She thought her rebel was a princess
Bu
Literature
snowglobe
we hoped it would get bad enough to break glass
that one of our voices
would find the note
to split the window
make a neighbour call the cops
that the dishes would shatter
into too many pieces
to be picked off the floor
we wanted glass in our heels
a trickle of heat
a flicker of colour
in the sun-blank snow
the pines leaned on our doorframe
we waited for them
to pressure in and unfurl
shower our stunned faces
in a rain of needles
knock the teapot off the table
in a blossom of shards
but the trees stood by
evergreen and identical
the same dream of pine repeating
behind yellowing plastic
we painted shut the door
with smi
Suggested Collections
NaPo 2014 #7. Got to play catchup for the weekend, but not today.
Questions for critiquers:
Is this too much like chopped prose? Are there places more or less like that?
Did the profanity work? How would it work with less? More?
Which of the four quatrains is weakest?
Questions for critiquers:
Is this too much like chopped prose? Are there places more or less like that?
Did the profanity work? How would it work with less? More?
Which of the four quatrains is weakest?
Mature
© 2014 - 2024 ShadowedAcolyte
Comments5
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Fantastic.
Great imagery and sentiment throughout.
Your language is more illustrative than most prose, so I engage with it as poetry, but that may be personal bias.
The profanity works great!
'dastardly deeds' is so... done.
Something fresh there?
Great imagery and sentiment throughout.
Your language is more illustrative than most prose, so I engage with it as poetry, but that may be personal bias.
The profanity works great!
'dastardly deeds' is so... done.
Something fresh there?