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Thunderhead

“It’s storming in Chicago,” calls the mother to her son,
who already knows—he can see the thunderhead,
black and towering, gliding above the corn fields.
It’s miles away now, in Illinois, but his Hoosier blood
stirs with the approach of another Midwestern storm.

While she reflexively checks the radio
for tornado warnings, he runs between the cornstalks,
feeling the first teasing breezes on the outskirts
of the front. The field is empty otherwise; the cardinals
have already found shelter, as have the pasture deer.

She calls to him, but knows he is safe for now,
and remembers what it was like to run through corn fields,
letting the leaves slap against tanned arms and legs,
tasting the ozone tang of the distant lightning
and hearing, just barely, the tolling thunder.

He thinks of glaciers he’s seen in schoolbooks:
slow, inexorable (though he does not know that word),
and wonders if a glacier announces its coming, too,
the way the storm air weighs down an afternoon.
He samples the idea of a high-pressure chill.

But he does not appreciate the synesthesia,
and the nascent poem glides from consciousness,
so he can revel, unhindered, before the storm.
Years later, he will remember the thunderhead,
the cornfields, and over Chicago, the distant lightning.
©2006-2009 ~ShadowedAcolyte
:iconshadowedacolyte:

Author's Comments

I've only been trying to write this poem for my entire life. *grin* Eternal gratitude to crazynloveless, for providing the prompt that sparked it.

You can take the boy out of the Midwest...

Prompt:
Write a free-form poem about lightning. Try to use only concrete images (which use the five senses) rather than abstract images (which are things such as ideas, or things with multiple meanings, etc). You have 30 (thirty) minutes. This prompt ends at 40 past the hour.

Daily Deviation

Given 2006-11-21

Thunderhead by ~ShadowedAcolyte is highly readable, engaging and nicely written. (Featured by `PoeticWar)

Comments


love 2 2 joy 3 3 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:icontuksha:
Wow. I'm quite impressed with this piece Acolyte, it has some amazing imagery. I'm so glad that her prompt allowed you to write it, because it seriously distills the essence, for me. I was actually talking to Chloe about lightning, and it must have triggered her to use lightning as a prompt.

The poem doesn't follow any forms and really i am glad it doesn't, else i can't imagine it being so... well... natural. Great job man.

--
-Chloe closes her eyes as she shits in his lap and drifts back to sleep muttering 'I love you's to him.-
Aaron says:
i'm sorry?
Chloe says:
x.x
Chloe says:
shifts*
Chloe says: lol
Chloe says: oops
:iconcrazynloveless:
Aaron is right. About everything. It has some amazing imagery, and he inspired the prompt. But I am so glad that you enjoyed writing this, it's amazing. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

However, I disagree with his final statements about form. Your poem comes in stanzas of five lines, meaning it has something structured about it. But then again, doesn't lightning? Light first, sound later. Light first, sound later. And then the old saying, "Lightning never strikes twice in the same place," no matter how true or false it is. It is still said.

:+fav:

--
AKA ~007-crazynloveless

take off your -3 armour of "frigid bitch" and ill give you my +4 "phallace of mount doom" baby ;) Sto67 "Lol. You make baby Jesus cry." Miguel
:iconcrazynloveless:
I would just like to say that after discussing things with Aaron (tuksha) I no longer completely disagree with him. There was some misunderstanding on my part. Cheers. = )

--
AKA ~007-crazynloveless

take off your -3 armour of "frigid bitch" and ill give you my +4 "phallace of mount doom" baby ;) Sto67 "Lol. You make baby Jesus cry." Miguel
:icontuksha:
Really, what i meant was that it doesn't consign itself to follow the rules set down for it by age old poetry forms, like a ballad or haiku, and i appreciate it. I was aware that all the stanzas are 5 lines. Hehe, i absolutely agree that there is structure. Love your work ShadowedAcolyte!

--
-Chloe closes her eyes as she shits in his lap and drifts back to sleep muttering 'I love you's to him.-
Aaron says:
i'm sorry?
Chloe says:
x.x
Chloe says:
shifts*
Chloe says: lol
Chloe says: oops
:iconshadowedacolyte:
Thank you so much!

The first two stanzas fell into being 5 lines, and so I kept it throughout, a sort of form-of-the-moment deicision--in the second-to-last stanza, I had to reword to keep it in 5, leading to a tighter and in my opinion better expression of that concept. Funny how things work that way.

And, oddly for me, this poem is somewhat autobiographical (most of my poems tend to be more on the fictional side, odd as that may be for a poet)--I don't ever remember thinking about glaciers, but I do remember watching the Chicago storms from Indiana, and I certainly remember running through cornfields.

Note: Should I axe the "high" in L3? It seems redundant to me right now.
:iconshadowedacolyte:
A multitude of thanks for the prompt. Myself = in love with Midwestern storms. See my note below about the form.

And I didn't think about that...there is a form to lightning, as chaotic and random as it may seem.
:icongislebertus:
Well done. Impressive set of images; I think you've really hit on something here, and captured the essence of what it's like to embrace a storm rolling in. The rush, the electricity - you nailed it. I suppose it just appeals to the Missouri boy in me.
:iconshadowedacolyte:
Midwestern pride!

I'm glad for the confirmation--I thought maybe I'd gone too far into a hokey romanticization. Really glad.
:icongislebertus:
Seriously, it's a venerated Ozarks tradition to sit out on your porch and watch the storms roll in. I remember when I was 11 or so watching my father stand out on the driveway, watching a tornado in the distance plow into Springfield. One of my regrets in life, strange as it seems, is I never got to experience a good storm from a farmhouse surrounded by fields -- sheltered, yet isolated and exposed. We certainly had some big storms roll in from the Kansas and Oklahoma prairie, and I just got to see them from surburbia.
:iconshadowedacolyte:
Then I guess Missouri is more like Indiana than I knew *grin*. And you've still got time!

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October 17, 2006
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